LENO Takes Some Shots

President Obama was down in Texas on his “Middle-class jobs and opportunity tour.” Don’t confuse that with his first term. That was the “Middle-class jobs and MISSED opportunity tour.”

While President Obama was in Texas, he told people to “Remember the Alamo and forget about Benghazi.”

I was going to start off tonight with an Obama joke, but I don’t want to get audited by the IRS, so forget that.

The IRS has admitted that they targeted conservative groups for extra scrutiny. That’s why Mitt Romney wanted to be president so bad — to keep the IRS off his back.

The heat wave is continuing. There are warnings this could be a long, hot summer and they are telling everyone to cover up. Believe me. You don’t have to tell the Obama White House twice. They know all about covering up.

Today the White House unveiled its latest high-tech weapon: the IRS audit.

I love what IRS commissioner Steve Miller said today about this whole targeting conservative groups thing. He said, “Mistakes were made, but they were in no way made with a political or partisan motivation.” Yeah, “Mistakes were made” — try saying THAT during your next IRS audit.

First it was Benghazi, then the IRS scandal, and now this phone records scandal. Remember the old days when President Obama’s biggest embarrassment was Joe Biden? What happened to those days?

This week marks the 40th anniversary of the Watergate hearings. For those of you too young to remember, back then the administration had an enemies list. They were spying on reporters, and they used the IRS to harass groups they didn’t like. Thank God those days are gone forever.

A lot of critics are comparing President Obama to President Richard Nixon, which is unfair. Nixon’s unemployment rate was only 5 percent.

This whole IRS thing has become a huge story. They apparently were targeting conservative groups like the tea party. You know it’s bad when President Obama says, “Hey, why don’t we talk about Benghazi?”

The National Aquarium in Washington is going to close. But don’t worry. If you’re in D.C. and you still want to smell something fishy, stop by the White House. They’ve gone from “Change you can believe in” to “Changing the story until you believe it.”

This week will mark the 37th time House Republicans have tried to repeal Obamacare. If Republicans really wanted to do away with Obamacare they should just endorse it as a conservative non-profit and let the IRS take it down.

President Obama announced the appointment of a new acting commissioner of the IRS — the other guy was fired. See, they’re called “acting commissioner” because you have to act like the scandal doesn’t involve the White House.

A lot of critics are now comparing President Obama to President Nixon. The good news for Obama? At least he’s no longer being compared to President Carter.

It has not been a good week for President Obama. You’ve got Benghazi, the IRS scandal, this AP records scandal, and, worst of all, his Chicago Bulls got eliminated by the Miami Heat. Do you know what that means? LeBron James is going to get audited by the IRS.

– Leno

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